


soulmates fucking suck

by la_faye_tte



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, M/M, Soulmate AU - Last Words to Each Other, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, TW: Swearing, tw: death, tw: self-hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:54:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_faye_tte/pseuds/la_faye_tte
Summary: Chai Coffee AU where your soulmate’s last words to you are tattooed somewhere along your body.
Relationships: Chai Coffee - Relationship, Paul Matthews/Ted, Ted/Paul Matthews
Kudos: 44





	soulmates fucking suck

**_I hate you_ **

Paul didn’t want to meet his soulmate anymore. As much as he wanted to tell his soulmate, “well fuck you too,” it never really sat right with him. For all he knew, he gets into an argument with them only to find out they’ll never be able to make up. Or worse, his soulmate would hate him for being the cause of their death. 

So for all of his life he grew anxious around people. He learned to be careful, that he wouldn’t do anything to elicit those words from them. He let people talk shit about him and he took it, just so they won’t tell him those cursed words. Sometimes, on worse days long sleeves weren’t enough. The words still burned even under the sleeves of his blazer. And he just can’t stop wondering what he could possibly do to earn such words. Something had to be wrong with him, right? Something about him had to be so abhorrent for his _soulmate_ , of all people, to hate him. 

The more time passed, the less he wanted a soulmate. What kind of soulmate makes theirs feel like crap before dying, anyway? Was it selfish for him to hope that he would die first, so he wouldn’t feel this guilty for something that hasn’t even happened yet? 

Hatchetfield was a small town, not a lot of people knew each other. A majority of people only wanted to be with their soulmate and wouldn’t really date unless they’ve found theirs. It was kind of stupid, really. Because they can’t know for sure someone is their soulmate unless one of them was dead, but whatever. Charlotte was one of those people and she wholeheartedly believed Sam was her soulmate even if Sam stopped thinking she was his. Bill assumed he’d met his soulmate but that ended in a divorce, which, in a way, is still a fate not worse than death. 

Ted was one of the few rare cases of people without any marks at all. Once he got around the possibility he may not have a soulmate at all, it felt freeing. He wasn’t bound to anyone and that meant he had nothing and no one to worry about. There’s no one for him to depend on and no one needs to depend on him. If he had to break some hearts, he didn’t have to feel as guilty knowing those people weren’t his soulmates and he wasn’t theirs. He accepted that he wouldn’t find true love and that was fine. It’s not like he needed it. 

It started with spilled drinks and stolen glances. It turned into spontaneous, almost secret dates. It was convenient, until it turned comfortable. No talks of soulmates even if they both knew of the dark ink branded on Paul’s skin, and the lack of words on Ted’s. Until one short conversation on a summer evening. 

“Your soulmate says _that_? What an asshole.” 

“Yeah. But I guess I must have done something to deserve it.” 

“You? Impossible. You don’t deserve a soulmate who hates you. A lot of other people, me included, probably do but you don’t you’re too good. I mean, you’re already so good to me.” 

Paul kisses him gently, lovingly, pulling away and resting his forehead against Ted’s. “Why couldn’t it just be you?” He sighed. 

“Yeah, but I could never hate you. You know that right?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

Truth be told, with the words on Paul’s arm, Ted didn’t want to be his soulmate. It wasn’t because he never truly loved him, but he didn’t want those words to be the last thing he ever tells Paul. He didn’t want the words that tormented Paul for years to be his own. He didn’t want to be the reason Paul thought so lowly of himself since forever. And he didn’t want to think about the implications his own lack of words if Paul happened to be his soulmate. They weren’t soulmates. Paul is meant for someone else and maybe that someone else isn’t the best but he’s not that much better off with Ted. That was just the way things were and Ted always took the world the way it was. 

So he goes through with this, makes the most of the temporary. For the first time, Ted was scared. With others, they’d give him their hearts but never their souls. Whether he handed them back broken or not, it didn’t matter. But Paul was willing to entrust him with his heart and soul and he didn’t know how to handle that. 

* * *

Then the apotheosis began. Hatchetfield was rapidly infected and forced into a cruel musical, turning citizens against each other. Too many lives were lost in one day until there were only three: Paul, Emma, and him. The stakes were high and the pressure grew too much. They were all desperate to survive this. 

They were so close to getting out but nothing was certain. It’s that uncertainty that eats away at Ted’s nerves and pushes down on the pressure that’s weighing on him already. And he breaks. 

He stops the others, declaring it was the only time for a heartfelt farewell of sorts. The words barely register in his head as they spill out of him. And then, Paul is torn away from his grasp. Ted panics. The words once unspeakable tumble out of his lips. The words immortalized on Paul’s skin. 

“I hate you” 

He didn’t realize it until he said it. He didn’t mean them, really. But the words came out too fast and they were always meant to be said too late. Oh God. _It was him._ It was his fault. It was his fault Paul thought he was worthy of hate. It was his fault Paul lost his faith in soulmates altogether. It was his fault Paul had been unhappy for so long. And it would be his fault that Paul is going to be killed and turned into the very thing he hated. He was going to lose Paul. 

Then, there was the gunshot, loud and resounding amidst the cadence of the soldiers’ march. Pain intolerable and excruciating. The bullet pierced through his skin. It couldn’t end like this, it wasn’t supposed to end like this. He’d give anything now to change this cruel fate. Anything to take back the words, to change the words. But as he choked on his own blood, he couldn’t. 

* * *

It was a rush, Paul barely knew what was happening but the words were the only thing that stood out. They repeated themselves over and over again in his head like a chant. The inky black letters felt like they were on fire. The only thing that was clear in the blurry whirlwind of things, was that Ted was his soulmate after all. Paul was able to break free of the Infected’s hold on him with Emma’s help but that only meant he was going to lose Ted. Right. This. Instant. It wasn’t fair that he only found out his soulmate was right there all along only to lose him. 

As if on cue, the shot rang out. They both knew what they were going to expect next. Paul felt like falling to the ground as he felt his heart shatter as the half of his soul that he never knew he had, was lost now. He wasn’t strong enough or fast enough. He couldn’t even tell him the words never mattered anymore because he still loved him, because he knew it was from him and that was okay. He’d forgive him after all these years. 

As music began to fill the air, Paul realized, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself, and self-hatred began to settle in the space in his chest where his heart was supposed to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Because I simply couldn’t pass up the angst potential. btw, I have the sc if no one believes these really were the last words.


End file.
